The Christmas Letter

By Jeannette Gartner

The Christmas Letter Gallup JourneyNow that the chaos of Christmas season is over, it’s time to start my biennial (or so) Christmas letter about the family, depending on how much news there is or how busy I am. You know the kind I mean. I’m sure you’ve read more than one.

Our year has been fantastic! Two of our grandsons are in the Extremely Gifted program at school. Not the youngest, however. He just got inducted into Mensa and will be attending college in the fall at the age of 12 – to study Nanotechnological Theory as it relates to Physics. [I just made that major up – he’d probably be a P.E. major, but if there isn’t a field like that, there should be.]

Our sons have all had a good year. The oldest son just sold his new Internet program for thirty-two billion dollars and will possibly now retire. The middle son, just this year, invented a body replacement algorithm, which will replace any damaged part of the body, including the brain. And the youngest son is announcing a run for the President of the United States.

We haven’t been able to do as much traveling as we’d like this year because of having to go around, touting our new novel. However, we did sneak in some trips. We had a good time on the world cruise the first part of the year, and then slipped away to Taiwan, Antarctica, Russia, Brazil, and attended the Olympics in England. We also had the unique experience of going into space. Building our 7,000 square foot house also took time away from our travels. Oh well, maybe next year we’ll be able to travel more.
Our health has been good since we had the foresight to build our own hospital and staff it with the world’s best doctors. They sure keep us in great shape!

Mom and Dad won the lottery but it wasn’t a really big one. Only 30 million. But now they can get off Social Security if they want to.

Okay, now do you remember the kinds of letters I’m talking about? Of course you do. Now for the real letter . . .

We had a good family reunion this year at the state prison. It was very considerate of the guards to let all the family use the exercise yard so the family who are currently out could be with the family who are in. They even let us bring in some food, checked of course for any contraband or weapons.

Johnny finally graduated from high school last spring – the first family member to have an education past 5th grade! And he’s only 23! Imagine that! We’re so proud. He’s thinking of getting a higher education, if he can find one he likes.

We had a coming out party for Georgia in October when she got out of the asylum. What fun! She brought some of her former inmates, too, and they all shared their medications. She’s hoping to stay out for a month this time and we’re all rooting for her.

Petey is on Step Nine, again, and has it down pat now. He says he knows everything so thoroughly he’s going to start his own group.

What a great celebration we had last summer when our SueAnn got married on her birthday, nonetheless! The preacher was an inspiration and even helped deliver the baby who surprised everyone by coming while the couple was standing at the altar. Well, one of them was standing, anyway, and it wasn’t the bride. So we had a marriage and baptism all for the same price and at the same celebration! Sweet Sixteen indeed!

I’m sorry to say that Marv didn’t do so well this year. Contrary to all that dad and I tried to teach him, he went out and got a job. So I’m not sure how much we’ll be seeing of him since he won’t be hanging around the house with the rest of us.

Well, I hope you had a great Christmas and will have as good a year as we had last year! I would’ve included some pictures, but none of the mug shots came out very well.

5 Responses to “The Christmas Letter”

  1. June
    February 5, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    So very creative and funny!

  2. Laura Oldham
    February 5, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

    Very funny. Quite the little family! L

  3. Linda Radosevich
    February 5, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

    Oh, I am SOOOO glad that someone has a NORMAL family….like mine. Very funny!

  4. Joan Derrick
    February 6, 2013 at 7:27 am #

    Never a dull moment with your family! Keeps life interesting.

  5. Marilou Condrey
    February 6, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    It did make me laugh…and I needed that!

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