By James Frazier

Elegant Enmity

By James Frazier

I laid in bed drifting in and out of sleep, like, capsizing on the hard and dry desert ground then subsiding into a weightless ocean. I baked under my favorite warm creamy-white quilt with purple squares that have designs of flowers on them; it was Hers. The playing record flowed music throughout the house.

I heard the doorbell ring; then, immediately followed by Her letting herself in and greeting everyone with her famous one word entrance: “HELLO?!”

In reaction to her distinct soft voice, I jumped out of bed and gave her a smothering bear hug. In return she gave me a casual hug and with a fast pace, went straight into the bathroom.  She came in wearing a dark-blue dress and had silky-black-curly hair; it suited her charisma.

I followed her like a puppy, watching and observing every move, hoping I’d get a treat or some attention. She stood in front of the mirror and took a black glossy tube out of the purple make-up bag. She took off the cap and twisted the bottom to reveal red lipstick. It was as if she was getting ready for a party, like the days when she would get ready for her job as a waitress; everything, so mundane.

After putting on lipstick and eye liner she went into the bed room and checked herself out in body size mirror. While she stood there, I hugged her and put my cheek against the warmth of her back.

“I’m back, James,” she said, “You happy?”

“Yeh, I am! I missed you so, sooo, sooooO, much,” I replied. I grasped tighter and the lights in the room glisten an ensemble. The background music continued. I felt the comfort and joy of her very presence. But, something didn’t feel right.

“This isn’t real,” I said.

She hesitated, “Hey,” she said, turned around and held my shoulders, reassuring me.

Speaking softly, “It is. I’m here.” she said convincingly, looking straight into my eyes. Then, smiled contently and turned back to the mirror and started to curl her hair. I placed my head on her back again, trying to make sense of things while staring at her through the mirror.

Was I dreaming? I thought for awhile, and then, a sudden realization hit me, like a bird’s unexpected crash against a window. Her body froze to a stop and looked at me, like a reaction to that very thought, like she knew what I was thinking.

I clutched tighter and taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth.

“Don’t say it,” she interrupted, before any words came out.

I looked at her, “Why?”  I asked.

“Because, if you do, you’ll leave, unwillingly. You’ll leave me, again.”  She put down the curling iron and turned around, “Stay with me,” she said, “Stay here. I don’t need to give you a provoking speech to make you understand something you already do.”

“Understand what?” I asked.

“Understand reality,” She backed away and walked around the room, studying the Christmas lights that hung above on the ceiling. Speechless and puzzled, I studied her and she studied me, then continued so suavely like the answer was simple, “The poisonous and perverse ideas of Man don’t exist here. Politics, Religion, Morality, Ego and Greed are all obsolete. This is a paradise, James, pure in genuine form.”

She walked up to me and laid her hand on the side of my face. Looking straight into each other’s eyes we stood in silence and my eyes began to water.

“I’m sorry, Autumn, but how can you be here? You don’t . . . exist anymore.” As I told her she turned away, ignoring my words, and walked over and looked out the window with great focus; then told me,

“I feel like I exist when you are here. Like I’ve been sleeping and I just awoke with vague memories, of a life I once had.  I remember the last time you where here, but it goes blank from your absence. And all I remember is black,” she turned towards me, “How can I be only a figment your subconscious, if I have a conscience?” She paused, and then said, “It scares me.”

“I think it time for me to wake up.”
Imminently, she lashed out with a vicious scream, “JAMES!”

I woke in my bed and the curtains of the window were illuminated by the day light. I lay in bed for awhile with a ring in my ear from the vibration of her scream. The music still played.